Review

A Christmas Scandal by Jane Goodger  2 stars

This book was not what I expected, it was worse!

Maggie Pierce the heroine, is portrayed as a lovely witty creature, who previously fell in love with Edward when their mutual friends' (Elizabeth and  Rand the Duke of Bellingham) marriage was arranged. Edward then leaves the country unexpectedly and Maggie is left quite hurt because she had fallen in love with Edward and he didn't even say goodbye. In the mean time her father has stolen and embezzled money from their friends (nice guy) and landed himself in jail. So, Maggie and her dimwitted mother Harriet, are destitute and don't want anyone to know until Maggie can secure herself a wealthy husband. She is invited to stay with Elizabeth whilst she is pregnant and keep her amused for over the Christmas (I guess christmas was in this book somewhere, it was lost amongst the waffle)

In comes Edward, back to see his friend Rand & Elizabeth with his sister, Amelia, in tow. This seems to be a good setup, obviously the story will now start to grow with some serious interaction between Maggie and Edward. But this isn't what happens. Instead, Maggie flirts openly with every man she can find, purposely and coldly in front of Edward. She knowingly setups up one man and pretends to want his advances, all the while repulsed by the mere thought of him kissing her, that and he is older than her father.

Edward and Maggie hardly have any interaction or conversation in this book. It's full of memories, inner turmoil about the past , which creates nothing new for the story to grow on and makes you wonder why the Author didn't write that book instead of this. Maggie flirts allot, coldly and purposely, which I think was awful, because it's obvious Edward loves her and it doesn't portray her as a very nice person. Furthermore, she lies herself into circles.

In the middle of all this, her mother is going round the twist, her friend is pregnant, Edward apparently asks Maggie and her mother to chaperone his sister Amelia. To which they fail miserably, they are too busy and interested in their own pursuits, to the point that Maggie doesn't even realise her mother hasn't been seen for hours and never even arrived at the party. Edwards sister is practically sleeping with some redneck texan Carson- who keeps trying to force her to have sex (I don't want to read about that) - and he doesn't even care, he lets him stay with them. When Maggie finally gets Edward she pushes him away and rejects him, then rejects everyone and leaves..

She ends up on a ship, that sinks, and the drama doesn't stop here folks. She heads back to New York with a gun to kill a man that wronged in the past regarding her Father and his imprisonment. But wait! Surviving the shipwreck has given Maggie an epiphany and after she visits her father she decides to just yell at the guy instead of shoot him. rolls eyes!!! Then comes back to England to try and get Edward back after she kicked him to the curb. Maggie's mother Harriet, with her big mouth, almost ruins everything. If it had been me, I would have flung mashed potato in the woman's face to shut her up!!

Then the Epilogue isn't about our two lovers, oh no, it's about Edwards sister, Amelia and her Texan beau, and how she has been waiting 6 months for a letter from him to ask her to marry him and to go to Texas, but she is so dense she still hasn't realised that they guy hasn't written for her because he doesn't want her to come.

This was all over the place, it goes from Maggie barely being able to stop herself from running and kissing Edward, to being a total bitch to him. The story was so messy, I couldn't even remember where people were. I felt the strong desire to throw the book down and give up, but forced myself to finish it, I am a glutton for punishment. It was the huge arms, they sucked me in!!

Review

Pleasure Me by Monica Burns  2 Stars

I originally bought this book because I was interested in the switch of the stereotypes normally presented in a romance novel. The usual 25 year old virgin and the 30+ manwhore that has shagged anything with two legs..

This story presented a 29 year old man, Garrick Stratfield, who had never been with a woman, he was dare I say it, (gasp), a virgin. And a 41 year old woman who is, yes you can roll your eyes, a Courtesan/Mistress, Lady Ruth.

So I bypassed the title (cringe) slipped my book cover - that my lovely mother made me - on it and dived into it.

Well... I am not impressed.

*spoilers*

The story premise was disappointing. The only reason Garrick Stratfield, our hero had not been with a woman was because he was missing one ball. His uncle Beresford, humiliated him when he was about 17 years old and it scarred him emotionally from that day onwards.

Lady Ruth was ditched from her last patron for a younger mistress, and so she is insecure about her age, as she is 41 years old. Did her a favour, if you ask me.

So self esteem is a big issue in this book. But the thing that irritated me the most was the repetition, it was constant. Garrick's humiliating memory is repeated almost every page. I got the point.
Lady ruth is so fixated on her age, that she uses it as an excuse to end her relationship with Garrick and therefore forcing herself to be alone. I just couldn't feel sorry for her after awhile.

The colloquialism was terrible. The first time I read the word 'rod' I cringed, by the third and fourth, I was rolling my eyes praying for it to be over, so I didn't have to imagine Garrick with his rod and only one ball, with all this emotional insecurities.
I probably sound a little insensitive at the moment, but phooey!

You can use, cock, dick, penis, love wand, might wang, dingle dangle, shaft, member, even stiffy, don't ever use the word ROD. (oh god, penis isn't in my thesaurus) And never ever ever call a woman's doodah, a cunny!!! What is that?? urck!!
And do not have your hero, in the midst of sex with your heroine, compare sexual intercourse with his hand. People, what is going on?? Focus!!!!
Furthermore, do not under any circumstances have your hero call the heroine a 'whore.' WHAT THE??

Well if anything, it was a lesson on what not and how not to write, sex, romance, characters emotional background, etc etc..

It was degrading and disappointing. Garrick's growth in this story was just to have sex, which he did and after about 3 visits he was an A+ student. (they refer to eachother as tutor and pupil in the story) Lady Ruth never really grew much in this story, she is dismissive of Garrick's feeling up to the last few pages and annoyingly obsessed about her age.

I think the Author could have built a better background or character arc for Garrick and Lady Ruth, something that could have been more believable. Maybe I had too high expectations for this story and its possibilities to take me outside the norm and status quo.. I am usually the first person to praise a book, even if it doesn't strip me bare and tear my heart out, but this one.. I don't rate it.